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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Jean, 29091988I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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©Glamouresque. |
Monday, December 31, 2007
time check. 0339hrs. and again. Im not asleep. i had a tiff. this guy has a farking big problem. due to my selfishness. Ive created more problems. i felt like a dead fish. fiq always said to me, no one understands me truthfully, only a handful. and he said that to me again just a few moments ago. i feel like vanishing. vanishing into thin air. too much had happened recently. sometimes i feel that my body is getting weaker then it used to. and seems like it cant take it anymore. this is no emo. this is feeling dead. and cold. once again. who truely understand. Friday, December 28, 2007
 Lets101 - Online Dating oh god. I had a dream. but Im having doubts if it was a sweet dream or a nightmare. HELP! someone please enlighten me? laughs. Tuesday, December 25, 2007
A few mins before Christmas ends. Merry Christmas Everyone !!! I betcha everyone had fun. (:that would nice to hear. if you were to ask me if I did enjoy myself or not? laughs. sadly, its a no. every christmas seems to be a drag. and getting worst each year in fact. each christmas always brought back memories of what happened each previous year. For the sake of the near future that I see, I willing to tolerate what ever that is going on. Im acting to be blind, pretending to be deaf, trying to be a mute. (: it really seems that everything is in a total mess. everything happened at the wrong time. tell me. who to clear up all the shits? my dear girl, I understand how you feel, so screwed, so messed up. I can tell that your feelings and affections seems to be growing. but there he stands, tall and mighty. you wanted to let him know, and yet you wished that he would never ever get to know. 'cause you are afraid to lose the affectionate friendship between the both of you now. 'cause you are afraid that if you ever were to wanted more from him, you would end up losing your own precious lill fren that you hold so dear. You felt that both of you were from the two different worlds. Dont you? so many words, you took them back. You're hiding in his shadows, you love being there for him, with no complains. You feel the itch, you feel the twitch, you feel the warmth, you feel the love, you feel the heartache too. Yet he doesnt speaks, doesnt speaks anything to you. At all. its like the magic words. sometimes you feel as if you are flying up high into the skies like those beautiful remote kites. next moment, you felt dead, cause you are being slit down the throat by him. think back, are your efforts appreciated? (: cheer up my dear girl! I know you are trying and its very tough, but, be strong. Santa, Jean had a bad Christmas. Isnt Christmas suppose to be a day filled with warmth & love? but its ok. I can still endure. Monday, December 24, 2007
So. time check! 0241hrs. Christmas Eve. christmas came too fast. I cant feel it at all. Its just, too screwed recently. and at this critical period, my labtop crashed. LCD crack. best. best of all. I cant see anything off the screen at all. All my reports are in it. ((: REDO LO! One freaking whole week of nonsense. Im too restless to do anything. I wanna drop dead and die. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Friday, December 21, 2007
past few daes was rather screwed. really. mondae I was at bugis. and guess what happened to me? yea. I was caught again for littering butts again. well done. 2nd time in a roll within four months. Curious? Ask me. Ill feed you with details. A more serious case now. Was feeling so badly screwed upside down on my luck. Im serious. Wed was public holidae eve. so yea. Laguna came into the picture. 'cause I missed the 'muifan'. laughs. red wine. together with beer. and comes along white wine. best. went down to Zouk. freaking crowded to the max that we cant even walk. for goodness sake. squeeze throught the crowd for one hour and we left the horrible place. my god. went over to Ah De's house at Spring Leaf Garden. laughs. his house was the best Ive ever seen so far. holy shit. watched Cable tv and played dice. chilled and finished up his Macalen (dunno how to spell la) bottle. yes la. home at last. workload is overflowing. but im moodless to do anything. im stuck. Sunday, December 16, 2007
weekends were hectic. I just got to reach home like a few hours ago. Im so tired that I dont feel like doing anything at all. probably its just my heavy dinner. 'cause im always fed like a pig at home. tsk. weekends just past like this. had a lill too much to do. had too lill sleep. Now that im at home. but my heart seems to be hanging there, drifting about here and there. i felt like a small fry. weird emotions are killing. Im not suppose to love. I cant love. its going to create a barrier to the things that i wanted to achieve. everyone seems so in their own world for now. other than my family, only one other that really remembers my existence. laughs. so what happened? what happened to so called the frens that promised to stick with you and claims to be there? obviously. the mask carried by Mankind. it really seems getting darker and scarier. as much as Im working to my wants as much as I wanted to receive the love that i want it seems being blocked by an invisible force. a super strong force. im tired. Friday, December 14, 2007
fridae had a rather crappy start. woke up at 1300hrs plus by Daryl Koh ( <--- haha!) and got my ass out of my bed.. freaking tired and shag. packed my stuffs and headed for school.. the sun was bright that it was killing.. had IMC tutorial todae and I was named 'Tweety' by BB. thank you. laughs. after class, rotted in school with Valerie and Karen for awhile. it was very sweet of the girls! and well... GOSSIPS. haha.. had a good laugh. brather came and picked me up from school and headed over to jacky's house to pick him up for airport. had JACK'S PLACE for dinner!! finally ive got to eat my steak. YES LA! haha.. send jacky off. sent weibin home and we headed down to Cheesecake cafe. weet. popped over to geogres to meet Anthony and bumped into oms. Headed home and Im rotting on my SIP report. time check. 1243hrs. Goodnight people. Thursday, December 13, 2007
I H A T E S C H O O L ! ! ! its really F.a.R.k.E.d u.p M.A.X! I'll get it over and done with and I shall fark off from school. and crave the path that Ive always wanted to. 2 months! and again. I shall hold back myself. Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Long weekend has past. workload at Mandai got alot more heavier. Things are fine though. its back to school. but I dont feel like it. things had realli changed. too drastic. or rather. scary. ive tried to put up a front. laughs. to make it worst, selfishness of mankind causes conflicts. even classmates can have conflicts over groupings. sigh. ihateschool. reallly. back at home. no peace either. tv is so loud that i can hear from the corridor. laughters are so loud that i can hear from downstairs. i cant even farking do my work. argh. kill me now. please. im pulling my hair off. Saturday, December 08, 2007
ive rotted for two days and i can feel that im rotting. I need to get my butt off everything and start work fast and quick. thus i met up with Jason today to have some real adult mature business talk. The real direction that I want to go and I need to know. starting work next weeks, targets to come, goals to reach, aspirations to live, expectations to live up to. theres gonna be another drastic change in my Life. and hopefully, this would bring me to where I needed to head for.. fast and quick. with prices to pay of 'cause. my time and freedom. I have to be hardworking. I cant complain tired. I am willing to learn. thats all it takes for now. Thursday, December 06, 2007
Ive a troubled fren. I dunno what advice to give her. Sigh. her Question was. 'would you choose to be with a person whom loves you more than anything, but you dont feel anything for him. OR the person that you like, but not knowing the other party's feeling towards you?' though I can understand how she feels, but i have no idea how to answer her question. Wednesday, December 05, 2007
its back to school. laziness had stopped me from bloggin all these while.. so for the fans of my blog~ APOLOGIES! =D sigh. my boy had left me and back to his precious owner.
Now that he's left. Everyone at home got so not used to it. Though its just shortly for a week. But Ive missed my lill rascal. I feel like ending it. 'cause its worthless. why am i feeling so.
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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