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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Jean, 29091988I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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©Glamouresque. |
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
When I realise, theres no telling lies.... Saturday, January 26, 2008
Time check! 1030hrs. thurs night was dreadful and draggy. didnt catch a wink the whole night since 2000hrs till friday afternoon 1230hrs. so basically I was like a walking zombie the whole day. and guess what, whilst i was on my way to school trying to get on the crowded bus. i was standing near the entrance door of the bus, squeezing with like millons on people trying to rush to work or school. and then. when the bus captain open the door. i had my left feet squash by the door. AND YET. i didnt sae anything. I was too stoned. really stoned. 'cause I remembered it was painful. very painful somemore. but to think back, i really wonder why didnt i scream or something. Just when the passengers standing in front of me (whose blocking my view of the bus captain) shifted further into the bus, and then the bus captain realised that the door is stuck or something. but he didnt know it was my feet. sigh. thus, i look at him and i pointed to my left feet and i said, ''Uncle, wo de jiao bei stuck le (Uncle, my feet is being stuck).'' Bus captain, ''Orh ok.'' -.- i really wonder why I didnt scream. and I told mummy, valerie, karen and john about this. and they laughed at me asking me why Im so stupid. Especially valerie, she laughed till tears roll. *sigh* I crawled out of school on friday after delivering my Entrepreneurship Report baby. and I realised, and I guess, the following are some things which Ive discovered (1) I have learned to spell the word 'Entrepreneurship' finally without any referances (2) I have learned how to do breakdown on inventory cost, cash inflow, cash outflow, income statement, balance sheet, breakeven, NPV and so on. (I think I even saw these in my dreams) (3) I have scraped through my accounts in sem 1.1 and i really mean scraped. Court Case next tues. Know what? I thought I was prepared & not feeling afraid. but when the thought of it came in last night, and it caught me scared-ed. in fact, even I myself didnt know, I am scared and afraid. probably for the past few weeks and months, I just pushed the thought away, didnt wanna affect myself though I can sae its a 'small' case, i didnt realise that the fear was this much sigh. I guess, Im just a scarey cat. but the truth is. I really am. haiis. Im getting easily irritated nowadays. especially by a particular person. I dunn0 if he/she had realised. everytime he/she called, i felt like justing screwing him/her up. and we have not much topics to talk about. even if there is, we would end up quarrelling. Im sick&tired max. is it me? or is it everyone too? but all I know is that, I cant take it anymore. I cant take it, when a person makes his/her promise and never fulfills it. (this applies for everyone) I just hate it. if you cant do it, do not promise me that you will I hate empty promises. in the end, Im always left to handle shits myself. or rather, more shits because of he/she and I mean it. I REALLY HATE IT TO THE CORE!!! Thursday, January 24, 2008
i went through these few nights without sleep. roll on my bed 630hrs every morning and waking up at 1100hrs. sigh. its torturing and tiring. i cant wait for projects&presentations to be over. for goodness sake. reading the blog, turned speechless. i feel like killing myself. what the fark am i doing? Argh! Sunday, January 20, 2008
beer + stout + johnnie walker shakehead, they got me upsidedown; insideout time check: Sunday afternoon 1629hrs. received the news yesterdae that mummy had HBP of 155. got me pretty upset for the past two days. it seems to me that the things that i had seen in my dreams, they getting scarier. im trying to control my temper against You. you better sense it fast and get prepared 'cause the day that you've never wanted it to come will come very soon. sooner than you will expected it to come. dont ask me why. you know it better and clearer than anyone else. Just that I dont understand why, why must you do such things and let people hate you to the core&max. had you even ever realised what have you been doing? laughs. one fine day, you shall see it. (: and to you, im holding back. lots. Friday, January 18, 2008
thank god and Im feeling so glad that three papers are down. It lessens so much from the burden and heavy shoulders. Sigh. But Im worry for my Strategic paper. I do not want Sem 4.1 please! with the last paper on the next monday, Im left with 2 more weeks to the end of my diploma education. but before that, these 2 weeks will be like hell I promise. Probably thats what I like about school. it makes fills me up with life and makes no time for others. and makes it no time for me to think of nonsense. great! but again; its hectic&tiring. it pays, for the sense of satisfaction in life. and sadly to say, I guess I only woke up in sem 3.2. LAUGHS! but its never too late. (: was asking my ladies a few hours ago, and oh by the way, TIME CHECK! its 0140hrs. ya.. as I was saying.. I was asking the ladies on the after diploma plans. and I got different feedback. YET, I hadnt find a solution to my problem yet. Sigh. Such a headache. seriously speaking, I cant wait for Feb to come. school ends, work starts, courtcase over. then I'll reborn into a new Jean again after the Chinese New Year! (: I feel that Im falling. and I can see, much more shows to come. *laughs* ouh well. Monday, January 14, 2008
time check! 2052hrs. tskk. I keep having the impression that tests are on wednesday. but in fact, they are starting on tuesday, which is like tml, which is like gonna start in less than 12hours' time. and the thing is, I hadnt start studying. which the best thing is, I dun even have my complete set of notes. best la. laughs. great. guess I wont be sleeping tonight. and the school makes things worst, by allowing lessons to go as usual tml. that means.
omg. a big thankyou and with lots of love. sigh. Im bursting, I dying for these 3 weeks to pass. Sunday, January 13, 2008
crap. Monday is drawing near again. and its back to routinal and hectic school week again. this week would be rather bad as I forsee, as it's test week that Im talking about. Sigh, I hate it. ): Realise that this weekend went rather slowly, but its still not slow enough! its the mentality. tsk. well, out with the brather,jun&wb for dinner and movie on sat night, we watched 'I am Legend'. and! I almost fell asleep. The show was rather crappy. OH! and Jean had Ben&Jerry's! *loves* and i had a fight with my brather over the icecream. lol! goodness. headed to east coast for a few beers. breakfast with Mac's Pancake. ((: headed for home. and like what ive always hated to do. is to come home. as usual. the black faces. Im sick and tired. Friday, January 11, 2008
It has been long and draggy and hectic week. so much things to be done. & next week. its test week again. goodness. time's passing so fast. getting pretty scary. and guess what. Its FridaY!! and Ive been at home for the whole day! and hadnt step out my house for a single step the whole day. im getting so proud of myself. *pats on the shoulder!* plus all the hard work. good girl! laughs. yester night, or rather this morning at 0100hrs. was down at the airport to pick dage&his gf up. yea man. and we rotted for hours there. ended up feeling sooooo hungry. three more weeks to go before school ends! hoho. should I try my luck at SIM? or follow suit with my fate? sigh. though life has been hectic, i dunno why Im still smiling. for the least, reasons to smile. but who knows? *laughs.* hen hao. I need a slow weekend! and due to hectic school load. I may have to miss Mandai sessions even more le. last semester to go, so people please bear with me. was a lill bored. had a makeover for my blog again. laughs. enough of my usual black blogskin. heres something with a different tone. ohwell. ANd GUESS WHAT! I'm craving for Johnnie Walker & beer. :( Thursday, January 10, 2008
Happy Birthday Mummy. You know that I love you though I dont at times. =D Sunday, January 06, 2008
I swear. I had never met such a stubborn ass ever in my Life before. so tell me. and to my suprise, I am able to endure this fellow. sigh, though Ive to admit, rather saddening and dishearting at times. Saturday, January 05, 2008
Im dying. Slowly and instantly. i need to remove all the bloody farked up emotions in me. and guess what, NEA send the letter to my house, rejecting my appeal. THANKYOU! so for farked!!! did I went down to NEA personally to get them change the address? Well, say thankyou to the government, I got a big one from my mother. ((: totally got one big and nice time from her. argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its 1623hrs now, and i dunno why Im feeling so annoyed, irritated, screwed up, farked up, angry. I feel like im bursting soon and Im going crazy. I cant handle so much things please. Please let things run easier for me please, 'cause I feel like dying. thats all. Thursday, January 03, 2008
you know what! reports, individual journals and stuffs. THEY ARE KILLING and so ACTION PACK. ouhwell. though theres too much problems running in my mind. but the solution to all the problems is just one word. sigh.. BUT. i do feel slightly of happiness. hoho. SILLINESS i cant stand! but oh well. i watched Alvin and the Chip Munk on tuesdae night.. wahhahahahahahah damn cute la.. ONLY YOU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ chin up to all Marketing friends! 6 more weeks! and we are DONE!!! ((: Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Happy New Year people. and once again. I was motivated again. well. at least Im smiling again. SUPERNATUARAL POWERS! but again. I believed i am just being silly. |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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