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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating

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Jean, 29091988


I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live.
— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Im 19 going 20 this year. Many told that im not behaving like my age. I couldnt catch what they meant, so i had asked for a further explanation.

I was told, at the age of 19, i should be enjoying the school days, drinking, dancing, singing, clubbing, shopping. but i didnt. I was asked why is that so. I couldnt answer.

as much as I would love to enjoy carefree days, I cant. I wanted to be a normal 19 years old girl. so what i had finished my diploma at this age and i dun have to waste 2 years wearing greenry and serving the nation? sometimes i do wish pace would slow down and so that I can capture every view and details of my life now. Even given the chance for me to study now again, i wont pick it up. 'cause my situation and life wont allow me to take my life easy and slowly. theres no time to waste.

as much as I want to leave everything behind and stay on my own, my heart doesnt allows me too.

im caught in the situation whereby, I want to love, care and think for myself more. But I CANT.

and sometimes, i do wish i was dead.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay