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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Jean, 29091988I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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©Glamouresque. |
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I still feel that her existence is creating a barrier. But Im feeling better these days. I just dont want her to come between us again. ever. 'cause I do not want to resort to ways that I had refused to for ages. Monday, April 27, 2009
ok! was chatting with alvino just now. He agreed with me that I should post this up. Wishlist 1 for 21st B'dae Bring me to Farmway @ Pasir Ris and buy me the puppy that I like the most! hahahahahahaha. okay, I know. Its time to wake up. I know Im no longer young to be that willful anymore. ): Saturday, April 25, 2009
 I miss Mr bf, who is studying now. ): Friday, April 24, 2009
Had supper with vin yesterday night. Inital plan was to meet up in town, but we ended up having bak chor mee @ Bedok 85. A quick heads up on stuff that is happening to my little friends on the other end of Singapore. Sigh. If only I could live my life 25% slower like their lives. Which sadly, is never possible. I was browsing through the old posts of mine and a handful of others. Come to think of it, I do wish that now, I still possess the ability to refuse facts in front of me. I know I could do that easily last time. How stubborn I was in the past, everyone knew. How I would never do things that I dislike, how I would refuse people even though they knew me the best. I would just simply refuse all of them, get blinded by my ownself and carried on with my life. laughs. If only I could be like the old me, just 30%. I would believe that I would at least be happier right now. and not resorting to type this post, to communicate the emotions that I am feeling now. Well I guess, its just another different stage of life that I've to go through. Struck down by reality that I have to work something out for myself in order to give others around me a better life. How much would they appreciate? Even if they dont, thats my responsibility. I still cant accept the fact that I've been for working them 9 months plus, going to a year in August. How time flies isn't it. Now, Im plucking the courage to dump in my resignation letter after my colleague did. 'cause I simply cant hold it any longer. I do not want to live those days anymore, having to wake up everyday thinking when the volcane's gonna erupt, where the land mine is being planted, if all the things had been done, why had i made those mistakes, why is this done like this... and the list could just go on and on. Non stop. I do not want to pull myself to work everyday fearing that my life and reputation is at risk. My ears and brains need a break from all the mental stress and load that were given from the last few months. I want to act irresponsibly now. But I just cant bring myself to do it. SCREWED! nevertheless, I am going for interview later. wish me luck. (: to johngoh, do you realise that our 1 year 3 mths anniversary is this upcoming Monday?! Saturday, April 18, 2009
maybe its really time to learn, to stop evolving my life around you. Thursday, April 16, 2009
I know I need to get down to the root of the problem to solve all these. but at the end of the day, I turned back and asked myself. so, what IS the problem? Monday, April 13, 2009
it wasnt the 'biggest fear'. something that has been with me for years. I had no choice back then, neither do i have a choice now. for repeating the same mistake twice, i really regret till this very day. every night, i fear of turning in to bed, i fear darkness, so? nothing could make up to my mistakes, nothing could bring them back. suffering in the midst of the two different dimensions of the world, i could almost feel the pain that no one could feel. i think they had decided, to stay along with me. yet nothing's smooth. getting real sick of my job, money came in and flow out the next minute. im really dying to leave the place. i need something else to break free. lets not be insane. being crazy and paranoid seems to be the key. this seriously cant go on. everything just cant go out of the brains. please tell me what wrong with my world. do you know that i cant feel him with me anymore. every word and sentence that was said, im still hesitating of whats real and whats not. is it the right way. I am not being emo, this is exactly how I feel. Please bring me back to the right path of life. Tuesday, April 07, 2009
the biggest fear of my life is here. I didnt know it will come so fast. I didnt expect at all. Im not ready at all. what if I cant escape. what ifs and what ifs. Im gonna face it alone. by myself. Wednesday, April 01, 2009
After i brought up the topic with you, you kept silent throughout the night, not breathing any single word more on the issue, you chose to smoke it over. Thats you. You knew what was wrong, but you kept feigning ignorance. Blame it on your over-not-sensativeness and blame it on my over-sensativeness. But I just cant trust you on this. KL trip? have fun. Speak about 'will gain my trust back again', speak about 'will think before i speak next time', speak about 'sorry for not considering your feelings'. Blindly, I could just named all these out. What about you. what had you fulfilled till this point? I really appreciate it for fetching me down to A&E (after a tiff apparently), but you were so soundly asleep throughout the few hours beside me, seriously does it makes any difference with me taking a cab down myself from home? I cant even tell you that Im in pain. then? This weekend, ima going to drink, get drunk and get wasted before everything blew off my mind. DSB would be my great companions. So, please stop taking me, my patience and my love for granted. I just puked out all the food i had this morning. thumbs up! |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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