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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating

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Jean, 29091988


I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live.
— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

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Monday, April 13, 2009

it wasnt the 'biggest fear'. something that has been with me for years. I had no choice back then, neither do i have a choice now. for repeating the same mistake twice, i really regret till this very day. every night, i fear of turning in to bed, i fear darkness, so? nothing could make up to my mistakes, nothing could bring them back. suffering in the midst of the two different dimensions of the world, i could almost feel the pain that no one could feel. i think they had decided, to stay along with me.

yet nothing's smooth. getting real sick of my job, money came in and flow out the next minute. im really dying to leave the place. i need something else to break free. lets not be insane.

being crazy and paranoid seems to be the key. this seriously cant go on. everything just cant go out of the brains. please tell me what wrong with my world. do you know that i cant feel him with me anymore. every word and sentence that was said, im still hesitating of whats real and whats not. is it the right way.

I am not being emo, this is exactly how I feel. Please bring me back to the right path of life.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay